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addictive
I throw all of your stuff away. I’m gonna clear you out of my head. I tear you out of my heart.
And ignore all your messages. I tell everyone we are through. 'Cause I'm so much better without you.
But it’s just another pretty lie. 'Cause I break down.
Every time you come around. So how did you get here under my skin? I swore that I'd never let you back in.
Should have known better in trying to let you go. 'Cause here we go go go again.
Hard as I try I know I can't quit. Something about you is so addictive.
We're falling together. you'd think that by now I'd know. cause here we go go go again.


Monday, May 31, 2010, 4:19 PM
#3 Under The Moonlight

A week had passed since I last spoke to Elaine and Marcus.

It still hurts when I think about how such a small matter brought my relationship with my friends to an end. But it hurts even more when I know that I was the one who had made it all happen.

I sighed.

"Serene!" Mrs Janet's voice boomed throughout the classroom, causing me to jump as I broke out of my thoughts.
"Pay attention to class, Serene, the mid-year examinations are very near!" She continued, tapping her pen on my table.
I felt my face flush as my classmates stifled laughs.
"Sorry..." I mumbled numbly.
"Tsk," and with that, Mrs Janet went back to her lesson.

At the corner of my eye, I caught Elaine staring at me. However, she looked swiftly away as I turned around.
If this carries on, I told myself. I'm gonna fail my mid-years...
And so I straightened my back and prepared myeslf for the horrendously tedious lessons ahead.

♥♥♥♥♥


Turning on my radio, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Aaahh, I'm beat." I closed my eyes and listened to the music.

♫ I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don’t want to run away, I want to stay forever, through Time and Time..
No promises ♫


"Eh? No Promises? What a time to broadcast such a song." I said miserably.

♫ Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today ♫


"Permanent now?! Geez."

And a hell lot more sad songs than happy songs were being broadcasted.

Damn, I thought bitterly as I switched off my radio. What's with all these songs? I'm stressed out enough.

As I walked across my room and opened the stubborn shutters of my window, I glanced up at the sky.
"It's a full moon tonight, Raine." I smiled to my dog. "And during this particular period of time, Marcus and I would usually sneak out to the beach, staring up at the moon, letting the breeze caress our hair." I laughed.
"Seems alot like we're a couple, eh? But during this particular night, we don't And maybe never."

When I see the moon; I think of you
When I see the stars; I remember you

I feel incomplete without you,
'cause them both made me think of you

I wish to the star I see tonight
Now I wish with all my might
I plead my wish come true,
I want to be with you


"I can't believe I fell for you."
I cried silently to myself. I couldn't help but think, how did it turn out this way? It was horrible, being apart from the ones you love. "You're so melodramatic," my mind scolded as usual. I hastily wiped my tears and sniffled.

"Come on, Raine." I ordered my dog as I began to walk off. Raine walked beside me loyally silently, as if sensing the distress.

"Serene."

I froze. That unmistakenable voice...

Clinging onto my window(Well, it's only a two-floored house. He's been doing that for a couple of years. It was no surprise.), is Marcus. The first ridiculous thing that came to my head was,
"What're you doing?"
He gave me a long look.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm visiting." He said sarcasticly.

"What for? You could just come in by the main door like a normal person, anyway." And I thought you didn't care about me anymore.

Making himself a comfortable position on the window, he looked at the sky.
"I'm worried."
He then turned to look at me with hurt eyes.
"Elaine told me you've been spacing out alot. And you wouldn't let me in even if I did anyway."

Oh, right. "Why do you care?"

He jumped off from the window and walked toward me. Holding me firmly by my shoulders and looking into my eyes, I tried not to flinch.
"Cause I love you."
Pain and fury flared in my eyes, and I wrenched myself away from him, slapping his hand away.
"You're lying! You love Elaine, don't you?! Almost a week has passed since we last talked, and you're telling me this now?!" I shook my head.

"I don't believe you!"

I stalked out of my room, and of course, Marcus was right at my heels. Swinging open the front door, I stood by him.
"Get out." Throwing as much coldness as I could into the words.
Pain stung me as hurt flashed across his eyes at my words.
"Please, Serene. I hadn't noticed how I left toward you. After accidentally hearing your indirect confession..." He shook his head. "Please."
"Well then, it's too late." I replied coldly, ignoring the fact that his reply made my heart flutter the slightest bit.

He sighed and pulled me toward him; into his arms.
"Wh- wh-" I stammered stupidly, not knowing if I should pull away or hug him back.
"Believe me." He whispered into my ear.
"...You melodramatic idiot." I said, giving in.
He smiled, melting my entirely frosted heart.
"Same to you."
Caressing my face with his hand, he leaned down.

♥♥♥♥♥


Then on that very night, where the full moon shone proudly, our relationship took a step deeper.

His kiss was soft and gentle, unlike others who just pratically crash their lips to yours and mould you into them. His lips parted slightly, my heart skipped a beat. I'll so totally kill myself if my legs gave up on me. The kiss lingered all over, from the very tip to the very end. As long as the kiss lasted, it eventually had to come to an end.
"Whoa." Was all I could say as we breathed heavily after the kiss.
"Yeah." He grinned down at me and kissed my forehead. I smiled back at him.

"WOOF!"

"Gah!" I spat out as I jumped in Marcus's arms. Marcus immediately broke into a thunder of laughter.
"That wasn't funny!" I said through my teeth before turning my gaze to my dog, who was snuggling agains't my leg, obviously happy that her owner ain't having a dark cloud over her head anymore.
"You saw all that, didn't you?" I sneered at Raine as she wagged her tail. I gave her a long look. Marcus laughed.

"It's gonna be just you and me, baby."

Together we feel the night breeze;
Together the birds fly free

Tonight I express my craze;
Since it's just you and me

Labels: ,


, 4:03 PM
#2 Time After Time

Click.

I got up and headed downstairs, only to find Marcus heading up the same direction.
"Elaine went home?" I asked, not meeting his gaze.
"Yeah, she said something came up at home and wanted me to tell you that." He replied.

"Oh." Was my reply as I watched Rainie pad down the steps. His stare was unnerving, as if he was trying to see through me. When I tried to brush past him, he caught my arm and turned me around to face him.
"Why are you avoiding my eyes, Serene?" His voice was hard, I gulped.
"Cause you're too damn tall," I lied sarcasticly. "If I look at you, the light would get in my eyes."
He sighed and dragged me across the room, and onto the couch. He knelt infront of me and said, "You can look me in the eye now, right?"

Still, I couldn't bare to look at him.

His hand gently lifted my chin up, and stared hard into my eyes.
"Tell me what's wrong, Serene." He demanded.
"Nothing's wrong," I lied, trying hard not to waver my gaze from his.
"Come on, we've been childhood friends, you can't hide anything from me." He probed.

I just kept staring at him. Sure, I can't. but can he tell me how I felt?

For long moments, he waited, peircing me with his eyes, searching me. I bit my lip and looked away. He then slowly stood up, ever so briefly caressed my hair, and closed the door behind him. He's gone. I broke up into tears.

♥♥♥♥♥


Days passed by ever so slowly. Marcus didn't contact me afterwards. Maybe he just wanted to give me time to think, I tried to console myself. But it didn't really help at all, having Elaine always rushing up to me, babbling about her conversation with Marcus. I didn't know they had even exchanged contacts. There wasn't a single day without his name in it, and soon, I gradually got irritated. I couldn't stand it, it was like they were the ones who were childhood playmates.

Until one day...

"Serene!" Elaine called as I was walking to school.
"Hey Elaine, lemme guess, Marcus again right?" I asked as I waited for her to catch up.
She giggled in response, that was all l needed for an answer.

"You know..." She told me in a quieter voice. "I think that I..."
Then she broke off into a fit of embarrassed giggles.
I rolled my eyes, already guessing the answer. Elaine would always be Elaine.
"Yes yes, save your breath. I know, you think you like him." I looked off into the distance as I said it, trying hard to control the emotions that threatened to rise.
Again, she breaks off into another fit of giggles.

Third period, History.

"Serene..." She whined. "He ain't replying me!"
I rolled my eyes behind my book.
"And I thought you were always the calmer one. Anyway, he might be busy. He doesn't have his cellphone glued to his hand, y'know."
"But..." She stared at the screen of her phone, eyes solemn.

Then we suddenly felt a vibration.
Instantly, Elaine flipped open her phone, only to find out it wasn't hers. I then picked up my phone, wary of Elaine's prying eyes. Leaning away from her, I checked my message.

And my heart skipped a beat.

Marcus

Oh perfect, just perfect.

Hey... How hv ya been? Feeling btr? Elaine had been rather strange...

Halfway through the message I had thought he was actually worried for me. Then the topic abruptly jumped to Elaine. I sighed. Noticing Elaine was staring hard at me with hopeful eyes, I shook my head.
Not him, I lied through my eyes. She then fell to despair.

I'm fine... What's with Elaine? I typed back.

And so the conversation went on. About Elaine.

♥♥♥♥♥


Back at home, nothing felt better than lying on my bed, snuggling up to Raine, thinking of absolutely nothing at all. Well, before my phone rang, anyway.

Marcus

Argh, what now?

"Hello?" I answered nonchalantly.

"Serene? Hey..." His deep voice answered.

Before I got to open my mouth to speak, Marcus had shot off.

"Y'know, Elaine's actually pretty sweet. Sweet face and all. It seems like we could really get along." He laughed. "I think I kinda like her."

I think I just felt my heart stop. Like, literally.

"What?! But- But I thought you already had a girlfriend!" I exclaimed, stuttering.

"That was what I was trying to say that day..." He explained. "We broke up."

My mouth hung open, but no words seemed to be able to escape. When it seemed like I wasn't going to reply anytime soon, he went on.

"Do you think I'll get a chance with her? You'll help me, right?"

At this point of time, unfortunately, I was suddenly, utterly, sick of all this crap.

"Yeah, fine. Do whatever you like. You know what? Ever since you met her. Ever since you set your eyes on her, I felt nonexistant! All you guy talk about is each other! Serene! Marcus this, Marcus that. Serene! Elaine this, Elaine, that! You know what? I'm suck of this!" I cried, hanging up the phone with a snap.

Raine patted my cheek with her paw, and snuggled against my chest. It was then I realised that I had been crying. How long was this going to last?

Ooooh this sucks.

, 11:26 AM
#1 Jealousy

"Aahhhhh... How I wish my dog would just eat my homework!" I groaned, looking at Rainie, my husky, hopefully, who sneezed and padded to Elaine.
Traitor, I thought.
"Who asked you to finish them off the last minute," came Elaine's reply, who gave Rainie a few pats on the head before sticking her nose back into her romance novel.
Amongst the heap of thousands and millions of paperwork, I stuck my tongue out at her.
"I saw that," she said.
"Get back to your fantasy land, you bookworm," I shot.
"And get back to doing your homework, you lazyass," She shot back.

I ignored her and went back to writing my 300-word 'Why we must not be late for school' essay. After finishing half a ton of my holiday assignments, Elaine finishing three whole books, and Rainie having had her beauty sleep, I let out a long, exhausted sigh.
"I'll just bloody throw my homework away and tell 'em Rainie ate them," I said, flopping onto my velvet soft bed... which I would have fallen asleep on if not for Rainie barking her lungs out when the bell rang.
"HOLY SHI-" I screamed as I practically jumped a foot high from my bed.
Heart still pounding from shock, I walked to the door.
"Coming!" I called on the way down the stairs.

Swinging the front door open, I stared at my visitor.

And gaped.

"Ma- Marcus! Hi!" I stammered, grinning a little too broadly. Well, I wasn't expecting him here.
"What, ah, brings you here?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"Hey Serene..." He trailed off, looking away.

"What?" I said defensively.

Still not willing to look at me, he waved a hand at me. Puzzled, I looked down at myself, and my eyes went wide.
"Ah, um, do make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back!" I threw over my shoulder as I practically flew up the stairs. Slamming the door shut behind me, I ran to my full-length mirror and gaped at myself.
"Hmm, bed hair, oversized hoodie with no apparent shorts.. Ah, not forgetting panda eyes too. Who wouldn't be more surprised?" Elaine ticked off sarcasticly.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I hissed at her.
"You ran like lightning, my brain was too slow to register any sort of reaction," she shrugged.

I glared at her as I pulled on a checkered skirt. Then, making a final check on the mirror, I sneered, "Ohhh you witch, I don't have panda eyes!"
Opps, she mouthed.
After putting on a little lip-balm and rolling my eyes at her, I raced back down.

And found Marcus half-lying down on the couch, playing with the remote control as he browsed through the channels of my television.
I cleared my throat.
He threw his head back, glanced at me, whistled, then patted the space beside him as he straightened up. I ignored the gesture.
"Want a drink?" I asked.
"Gotta beer?" He winked.
I frowned at him, "You really should cut down on those."
"And if I don't?" He challenged, catching me off guard.
"I'll... Well... You'll see!" I spat as I stormed into the kitchen, fetching two cups from the kitchen cupboard.

"Thanks sweetie," He said as I slammed a cup of water on the coffee table.
Rolling my eyes at him, I sat a good two meters away from him.
"Aw, come on," he smirked.
Not taking my eyes away from the television, I asked, "So waddaya want?"
"Oh yeah," he said, and I noticed he seemed to be trying hard to make it sound casual.
"I just wanted to stop by-"
"Oh, cut the crap, tell me." I cut him off. "I have a friend waiting upstai-"
"Nah, it's okay, I'm gone." Elaine said as she walked down the stairs, slinging her bag over her shoulder.
"Already?! But..." My eyes flickered from Marcus to Elaine, and back to Marcus. "Can she join us?" I asked, I didn't want Elaine to feel left out because of this.
"But-" he started to protest.
"It can wait, right?" I hurried. "Besides, it's great to make new friends, right?"
You're freaking lame, Serene, my mind scolded.
I skewered him with those big hopeful eyes, taking advantage of his weakness.

As Marcus blushed slightly and thought about it, Elaine's hand was already closing on the door handle, I started panicking.
"Yeah, I guess it's okay." He sighed, and smiled at Elaine. "Take a seat."
She returned the smile, and sat beside me.

They chatted for a good half hour, and I seldom joined in. Elaine even stood up from her seat to beside Marcus. That was when I was starting to feel like a damned light bulb. Trying hard to keep my temper to myself, I smiled tightly at them as I got up. "I'm heading up first, enjoy yourselves." And with that, I rushed up the stairs and slammed my room door shut.

My knees buckled under me, and I sank to the floor, breathing hard. Rainie padded up to me, placing a paw on my cheek before snuggling up to me.
"Oh God, what's wrong with me?" I asked Rainie.
"I was the one who introduced them to each other, so why do I feel this way? But hearing them talk so casually like old friends, every word bringing them closer, watching their every moves. I just couldn't stand it."
Then realization struck me hard on the head as I guessed the possibilities.
"It couldn't be right? That I'm actually... jealous?" I said to my dog, who stared up at me with her big blue, concerned eyes.

Oh hell, fancy talking to a dog, but sometimes they're all you've got.